Monday, September 10, 2012

Count to 30 - #6

I'm counting to my 30th birthday with a list every day.  Here's #6.

Most Embarassing Moments
Apparently not an embarrassing moment for me.  Though it is now.
1.  Junior Kindergarten.  We were lined up in the hallway outside the gym after recess.  I raised my hand and asked to use the little girls room.  My teacher said no.  *WTF I'm in JK, teacher!*   We stood and waited in the hall for some reason that I can't remember because my bladder was screaming inside.  And eventually, I just couldn't hold it.  Mortified.  Pretended it didn't happen. 

2.  Grade One.  I am in French class and don't feel well all of a sudden.  I wave for my teacher to come over and  - RALPH! - right on her dress and shoes.  So terrible.
I get sent to the couch in the secretary's office and they call my mom to pick me up.  Someone tells me to count things like tiles, the divots in the ceiling tiles, etc. to keep my mind busy.  This becomes a habit, counting random things while I wait or am bored.  I still do it.

3.  Grade Four.  I am walking around the schoolyard at recess and out of nowhere (or, everywhere) there's some ice.  I slip without time to get my hands out and fall flat on my face, landing on my nose.  Red snow everywhere.
I try to keep my cool but end up getting sent to the hospital because they think I might have broken it.  At the hospital they check me for a concussion.  The doctor asks me to remember 3 words, that'll he'll come back and check that I remember them. 
Apple.  Orange.  Knife.   He never came back to ask.

4.  Grade Seven.  Gym class.  Melanie is not so coordinated or good at sports.  Indoor volleyball is not as enjoyable as nearly anything else in school. 
An ace of a shot, the flying, hard, inflated orb careens toward my face and hits me smack in the nose.  Impossible to stop my gushing nose, but at least it was only gym clothes that were ruined.  Too many cute boys in that class that day, it sucked.

5.  Grade Seven.  Summer.  My front yard.  My friend Jen had a job delivering flyers door to door, and worked with a few other kids.  One evening they did my street, and used my house as the start/end point.   As Jen & the 2 boys finished and headed back to my house, my dad came outside onto the porch and yelled "NO BOYS IN OUR YARD!"
The two guys high tailed it off the lawn and down the street.  This was a whole new kind of embarrassment.  Humiliating.
(My dad totally knew what he was doing, I was too scared to have a boyfriend until 16.)

6.  Grade Eleven.  I was at a press conference for a project I had worked on joined with other high schools.  We stood in the beautiful marble lobby of a school and listened to speeches as they were about to unveil the campaign. 
I felt dizzy.  I thought to myself, wow, I need to sit down.  I went to do so but couldn't move my legs.  The next thing I remember is waking up on the floor, dozens of people covered over me.  I had fallen like a tree and smashed my teeth on the marble. 
Long story very short, I am allergic to cold decongestants and was nicknamed Austin Powers for a while. 

Come on - dish like the back pages of YM.  What's your most embarrassing moment?


  1. Funny! I will have to think of something!

  2. Regarding my above "funny" not the painful ones of course!

  3. Oh man. You've had about much luck with your nose as I've had with my chin - split open three times, whoo!

    So it's gonna be number of day = number of moments all the way through? You'll have a lot of writing to do on your birthday!

    1. It's true. But funnily enough the longer lists seem easier to write so far. I'm indecisive, so narrowing things down is trickier than brainstorming more.

  4. Oh man, those are all awesome stories. At the time they are so cringe, but they make for most excellent stories over dinner parties once we're older and have gotten over the utter humiliation. I think bodily function issues are key in everyone's childhood. - This is my most embarrassing moment, which now that I'm older, I submitted for a 'sports related injury' competition to win an Olympic mug a couple of weeks back.

    I still haven't gotten the mug.


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